FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES .... 
 
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A father was at the beach with  his children when his four-year-old son 
ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a sea 
gull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. 
 "He died ,and went to Heaven" the dad replied. The boy thought a moment 
and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" 

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man 
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his 
wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened 
to the flea?" 

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,  Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The 
boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother 
saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He 
would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."  Kevin 
turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" 

A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer.  She was 
reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.  She said, "And 
lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail AMEN." 

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On 
returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy 
kittens and two  girl kittens.  "How did you know," his mother asked? 
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's 
printed on the bottom." 

Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself.  His mother noticed 
the left was on the right foot.  "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." 
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom.  I 
KNOW they're my feet." 

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has 
to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."  A little voice from the 
back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began 
putting away the groceries.  The boy opened the box of animal crackers 
and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing," his mother 
asked?  "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy 
explained, "I'm looking for the seal." 

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, 
I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, 
"but why?"  "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers 
we've ever had." 

A wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she turned to her 
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I 
wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear 
Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, 
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and 
looked at the old pages as he turned them.  Suddenly, something fell out 
of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old 
leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.  "Momma, 
look what I found," the boy called out.  "What have you got there, dear?" 
his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he 
answered:  "I think it's Adam's suit!"

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, 
he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. 
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly 
tripping before jerking it again.  After several circles and jerks, a 
little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,  "If 
he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting 
together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.  Finally, 
his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in 
church."   "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.  Angie pointed to 
the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? 
They're hushers."

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page 
picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and 
asked, "What flag is this?"  A little girl called out, "That's the flag 
of our country."  "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of 
our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a 
droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children 
getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she 
threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them 
back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her 
three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"

Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a 
restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they 
wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, 
"Just bring them bread and water."  One of the little boys looked up and 
quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?"

A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers 
and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like:  
"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it 
hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony. We picked wild 
raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. 
At last she said,  "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how 
you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, 
how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word 
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he 
asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I 
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it 
was. She would tell me, and always she was correct.  But it was fun for 
me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, 
"Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite 
knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother 
by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the 
King James Virgin?"

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready 
to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what 
it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not 
take the covers off the neighbor's wife.

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