* SIGNS, SIGNS, SIGNS *


* In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." 
 
* On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts." 
 
* Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a leak." 

* In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are 
  on fire and take appropriate action." 

* On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push." 

* On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except 
  the dog." 

* At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking for, 
  you've come to the right place." 

* On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff." 

* On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs." 

* On a fence, "Salesmen welcome.  Dog food is expensive." 

* At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss 
  a car payment." 

* Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary.  We'll hear you 
  coming." 

* In a dry cleaner's emporium, "Drop your pants here." 

* On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 
  2nd one just left." 

* In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" 

* At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in your 
  bill.  However, if you don't, you will be." 

* In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!" 

* On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take 
  what you've got."  (Burglars please copy.) 

* In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in 
  and get fed up." 

* Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop." 

* In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.  Socks 
  can eat any place they want."